2011 Update

Wow... I can't believe that it has been almost a year since I started this blog! I had such good intentions to keep up with this blog.... I NEED to do it. I always feel better when I write. *sigh* Well.. now the task of updating....

I have dealt with a lot of emotions I felt about my father and I have gotten past some of the negative ones. We do keep in contact. I can't say that I am ready to see him again just yet, though. So much "uncomfortableness"there for me. But... all in all, I do realize the genuine efforts he has made to be in my life and that does have to account for something - which is a lot more than what I can say for the majority of my other "family" members.

My mother......SMH. I have come to a place where I am just so tired of chasing a relationship that has honestly never been there to begin with. And why???? She is the one I should be most angry and "Done" with. I just keep leaving myself open to get my feelings hurt by her. I need to stop. JUST STOP! Sometimes, I feel like I just wanna pack up and move far, far away from everyone.

As I reflect on 2010 I ask myself what did I learn from 2010?

I learned that Sometimes no matter how much you try to love someone - you can't make them receive it. That is so sad to me. Isn't love the thing that makes this maze of life all worth it???

I learned that just when I think I have been hurt as much as I could be....there can always be something that comes along and drives me to my knees again. BUT..... I can still get back up and I can move beyond it...again.

I learned that forgiveness is a ministry in itself. By forgiving someone, you release them from a weight of negativity that they have carried. You free them to improve...to correct themselves. By forgiving them - You free yourself from pain. You heal.

As 2011 takes off... I cant help but think how fast years seem to cruise by now. Life is sooooo fleeting. I want to live my life to the fullest, every day. I want to love as much as I can. I want to laugh every chance I get. I want to make a difference to as many souls as I can.